THE CRAPPINESS SCORE
Every gift on this site gets a Crappiness Score. Here's exactly what that number is — and, more importantly, what it isn't.
It is not a customer rating
We know what a star rating usually means: a pile of real customers left real reviews, and a website averaged them. That is not what this is. Nobody surveyed anyone. No purchases were harmed in the making of this number.
The Crappiness Score is our own editorial opinion — the same way a movie critic scores a film, except our critics have dramatically lower standards and a real financial interest in you finding this product delightfully absurd.
The Tiers
Magnificent. Deliciously, unmistakably terrible. This is the good stuff — buy it immediately.
Solidly crappy. Does what it promises: absolutely nothing useful. A dependable choice.
Warning: this product may have accidental redeeming qualities. Proceed with caution.
Who decides the score?
A mix of human judgment and our automated product-hunting minions — but never a guess at what Amazon reviewers actually think. If we can't verify something is real, we don't pretend it is.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a Crappiness Score change?
Sure. If we reconsider a product's magnificence (or lack thereof), the number moves. It's opinion, not physics.
Does a high score mean I should buy it?
On this site, yes — a high Crappiness Score is the whole point. A low score is the actual warning label.
I disagree with a score. Now what?
Good, that means it's working as opinion. Tell us why and we'll happily argue about it.
Go Find Something Certified Crap
Now that you know what the number means, put it to use.
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