This Year's Most Regrettable Presents
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
A five-inch rubber pickle that, at the press of a button, launches into a full, warbling yodel — because nothing says 'I was thinking of you' quite like gifting someone a vegetable with more vocal range than most touring musicians. It does not slice, brine, or garnish anything. It has exactly one function, and that function is yodeling, on command, indefinitely, until the AAA batteries or the recipient's patience gives out first. Ideal for office desks, family cabins, and any relationship that could use a little more sudden, inexplicable alarm.
Banana Bunker Protective Case
A rigid plastic sheath engineered to protect a single banana from the horrors of your lunch bag. It is, structurally and visually, exactly what you think it is, and the manufacturer has never once acknowledged this. Give it to someone who needs their fruit defended and their mail carrier concerned.
Frienda Humping Dog Phone Charging Cable
Somewhere in a product design meeting, someone asked "what if a charging cable, but it also thrusts?" and instead of being escorted from the building, they were given a manufacturing budget. This Type-C cable comes with a small plastic dog affixed to the middle of the cord, and the moment you plug it in, the dog begins rhythmically humping the cable in a way no one asked for and everyone will notice. It still technically charges your phone, which is the closest thing to a redeeming feature it has. Marketed cheerfully as a "novelty gift" for back-to-school season, which is one way to describe handing a teenager a thrusting dog accessory for their phone. Whether the motion helps or hinders the actual data transfer speed is a mystery science will have to solve without our help.
Skylety Chicken Safety Helmets, 8-Pack
Finally, the construction-site PPE your flock has been begging for. This 8-pack of miniature plastic hard hats straps onto a chicken's head with an adjustable elastic chin strap, because nothing says "robust workplace safety culture" like a hen pecking at gravel while wearing full headgear. The listing earnestly promises protection from "head and brain injuries," presumably from falling acorns, overzealous roosters, or a chicken's own questionable life choices. It also doubles as sun and rain shelter, in case your hens were complaining about the weather between shifts. Comes in eight mismatched colors and patterns so you can tell your workers apart during the next coop inspection. Does any chicken alive actually need this? No. Will every walk past the coop now require you to stop and stare in disbelief? Yes.
Bacon Flavored Toothpaste
Real toothpaste, allegedly, flavored like smoked bacon and containing zero fluoride or cavity protection, because dental health was never really the point. Squeeze a ribbon of meat-adjacent paste onto your brush every morning and greet the day smelling like a diner griddle. Reviewers describe the scent as 'nailing' smoked bacon, which is either the highest compliment or the worst thing you've ever read about a hygiene product. Makes a phenomenal white elephant gift, a mediocre toothpaste, and an outstanding way to ruin your partner's morning breath forever.
Gears Out Blinker Fluid - Professional Grade Gag Gift
A gleaming steel tin, professionally labeled, boldly claiming to contain 32oz of "Blinker Fluid" — a substance that has never existed and never will, because turn signals do not use fluid, they use electricity, a fact this product depends entirely on the recipient forgetting. Inside: nothing. Just air, ambition, and the crushing weight of automotive shame. Rated for "100,000 blinks," which is a suspiciously precise number for a can of nothing. Hand it to a self-declared car guy, a father-in-law who "knows engines," or any mechanic who will pretend to already know this joke while quietly wondering if maybe, just maybe, blinkers do need topping off. They don't. Nobody's does. That's the whole bit.
Hutzler 571B Banana Slicer
A curved yellow plastic slab whose sole purpose on this earth is to turn one peeled banana into several banana-shaped segments, a feat your hands and any butter knife have been quietly accomplishing since the dawn of fruit. Place banana in cradle, press down, remove perfectly uniform slices, and briefly wonder why this step required a dedicated single-use kitchen appliance. Internet-famous for over a decade of deadpan Amazon reviews praising its 'military-grade' slicing precision and tactical banana-cutting capability. It does, reviewers insist, exactly what it claims to do. That is both the whole appeal and the entire problem.
FALVFUN Car Air Vent Cymbal - Clip-On Mini Drum Crash Cymbal
A genuine miniature drum cymbal that clips onto your car's air vent so you can play a crash cymbal solo at every red light. No tools, no glue, no reason. The manufacturer helpfully suggests only playing it while parked, which tells you everything about how this toy performs while you're actually driving. Turns your Camry into a one-man band nobody asked for and everybody in the car will regret.
Archie McPhee Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats
Your cat did not ask to be a unicorn. Your cat does not want to be a unicorn. None of that matters once this 5.5-inch vinyl horn is strapped to its skull via a four-point elastic harness that it will spend the next ninety seconds trying to remove with increasingly violent head shakes. For one glorious photo before the inevitable, your ordinary housecat becomes a majestic, horned beast of legend — or, more accurately, a visibly furious animal wearing a party hat shaped like an ice cream cone. Durable enough to survive shipping, not durable enough to survive contact with a scratching post. A gift for the kind of person who views their pet's dignity as a renewable resource.
Bob Ross Chia Pet
Grow a lumpy green afro on the beloved face of public television's calmest man. Just add water and watch "happy little chia sprouts" slowly erupt from a ceramic Bob Ross head over 1-2 weeks, transforming him from serene painting instructor into unsettling swamp creature. Comes with a seed pack and zero of the inner peace the real Bob Ross was known for. Perfect for the person on your list who already has too many mugs and not enough terracotta busts sprouting chia.
Witty Yeti Dehydrated Water 16oz Can
At last, a survival supply built for the truly prepared: a sealed 16oz steel can containing precisely zero milliliters of water, ready to be reconstituted by the ancient technique of 'adding water.' The label proudly boasts a 'New Formula,' which is a bold claim for a can of nothing, but we admire the confidence. Ideal for campers, hikers, and doomsday preppers who have exhausted every other gift idea and landed on 'troll them with an empty can.' No matter how much water you pour in, it stays exactly as dehydrated as the day it was manufactured, because there was never anything hydrate-able inside to begin with. Equal parts profound commentary on consumerism and a very well-made empty can. Comes recommended for white elephant parties, retirement send-offs, and anyone who insists they 'have everything.'
Eddingtons Egg Cuber
Nature spent millions of years perfecting the egg's aerodynamic, space-efficient, shell-stackable oval shape. This device exists specifically to undo that. Hard-boil an egg, peel it while it's still too hot to touch, wedge it into a screw-press chamber, and refrigerate it until it forcibly relaxes into a cube. The result is an egg that no longer rolls, no longer looks like an egg, and no longer fits in an egg cup. It does, however, sit very flatly on a sandwich, which is presumably the whole point, if there is one. Comes in a cheerful color so you remember why you bought it.
YADILLO Giant USB Enter Key Pillow
A comically oversized plush 'Enter' key that plugs into your computer via USB and, when punched with the force of a man who just got cc'd on a reply-all, actually registers as an Enter keystroke. Marketed as a stress-relief tool for the overworked office drone; functionally a foam pillow shaped like a keyboard button that you will nap on face-down at 2pm. Works on Windows and Mac. Does not work on your actual problems.
Nestpark Muttboro Doggy Cigs Plush Dog Toy
Three felt cigarettes zipped into a faux soft-pack, because the one thing your dog's enrichment routine was missing is a two-pack-a-day habit. Each "cig" squeaks, crinkles, and hides a treat inside the burrow pouch, so Fido can root around for kibble like he's patting himself down for a lighter. It will not get your dog addicted to nicotine. It will, however, guarantee that the first thing houseguests see on your living room floor is a chew toy shaped like a Marlboro. Bold branding choice for a Tuesday.
Banana-Scented Lip Balm
Smells like banana, tastes like regret, works fine as lip balm honestly.
Pee & Poo Plush Set – Scandinavian Design Novelty Duo
In 2004 a Swedish designer looked at human waste and thought, "this deserves plush representation," and so Pee and Poo were born: a lumpy yellow puddle with a face and a smiling brown swirl, sold as a matched set for people who have run out of normal things to put on a shelf. They are marketed, with a straight face, as 'potty training inspiration' and 'collectible desk decor,' which is the same trick as calling a whoopee cushion 'percussive furniture.' There is no plot. There is no joke beyond the initial premise. You will buy this, place it on your desk, and field the same conversation with every single visitor for the rest of your natural life. Scandinavian minimalism has never been this committed to a bit.
Genuine Fred Pizza Boss 3000 Circular Saw Pizza Cutter
A pizza cutter shaped like a circular saw, because slicing a Domino's pie apparently needed to feel like a woodworking accident waiting to happen. The stainless steel blade genuinely works, which honestly undermines the whole bit. Ships with a removable safety shield, for the one time a guest tries to 'rip a 2x4' out of your Margherita.
Banana Phone Bluetooth Handset
Yes, it is a fully functional Bluetooth handset. Yes, it is shaped exactly like a banana, down to the little brown tip. No, nobody asked for this, and yet here we all are, pressing a piece of foam fruit against our face to take phone calls in public. It pairs with both iPhone and Android, which means there is no modern device sophisticated enough to save you from the choice you are about to make. It was reportedly pitched on Shark Tank, where at least one shark presumably asked the obvious question and received no satisfying answer. Ships with a charging cable, because even a novelty banana needs to recharge eventually. Peels: zero. Dignity: also zero.
How to Win Christmas by Losing
- 1
Know your audience
A whoopee cushion lands differently with your brother than with your boss. Pick the joke for the person, then check the product page to make sure it's the kind of terrible you meant.
- 2
Pick your battlefield
Office Secret Santa, family white elephant, or a stocking at the foot of the bed? Each one has its own rules, budget and blast radius, and we have a page for each.
- 3
Set a budget you won't regret
A gag gift should be cheap enough that nobody can complain about the money. Every pick here is $50 or less, and our budget pages go all the way down to $10.
- 4
Order early, wrap aggressively
Aim to order by mid-December so it actually arrives. Then wrap it in far too much tape, so the struggle to open it is part of the gift.
Further Reading
6 Gloriously Disgusting Gag Gifts for Your Office Halloween Party
Skip the plastic pumpkin bowl of fun-size candy. These six gag gifts will haunt the break room long after the costume contest is forgotten.
6 White Elephant Gifts Guaranteed to Start a Fight (In a Good Way)
The whole point of white elephant is that someone steals your gift and starts a small war over it. Here are six objects engineered to get stolen at least twice.
5 Gag Gifts That Make No Sense (And We Love Them)
A completely unnecessary roundup of gifts nobody asked for, but everyone will remember.
Funny Christmas Gifts: FAQ
What's a good funny Christmas gift for adults?
Something they'd never buy themselves because it's absurd but harmless: a prank gift box, a desk toy that makes a noise, a kitchen gadget shaped like something it shouldn't be. The best funny Christmas gifts get a laugh the moment the paper comes off and still get used, or at least displayed, in February.
Are gag gifts rude?
Not if you read the room. A gag gift says "I know your sense of humor," which is more personal than a candle. Keep it light, skip anything that punches at someone's looks or insecurities, and if in doubt, pair it with a small real present so the joke doesn't feel like the whole gift.
How much should I spend on a funny Christmas gift?
Gag gifts work best on a small budget, since a cheap joke is funnier than an expensive one. Everything on this page is $50 or less, and our budget pages cover funny gifts under $10, $15, $20 and $30.
What's the difference between a white elephant gift and a Secret Santa gift?
In white elephant, gifts are unwrapped and stolen in turn, so the funniest or most fought-over item wins. In Secret Santa, you've drawn one person's name, so the gift should suit them. Our white elephant and Secret Santa pages have picks built for each game.
Are these funny Christmas gifts family-friendly?
Most are. This page leaves out anything we've tagged as risqué, and the bulk of picks are pranks, desk toys and kitchen jokes rather than anything adults-only. Some lean on bathroom humor, so check each gift's page before it goes under a kid's tree.
When should I order Christmas gifts so they arrive in time?
Aim to order by mid-December. Most of our picks ship from Amazon, but delivery times depend on the retailer and where you live, so the closer you get to Christmas Eve, the bigger the gamble.
Prices were accurate when we last checked and may change on the retailer's site.