Safe to Open at the Office Party
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
A five-inch rubber pickle that, at the press of a button, launches into a full, warbling yodel — because nothing says 'I was thinking of you' quite like gifting someone a vegetable with more vocal range than most touring musicians. It does not slice, brine, or garnish anything. It has exactly one function, and that function is yodeling, on command, indefinitely, until the AAA batteries or the recipient's patience gives out first. Ideal for office desks, family cabins, and any relationship that could use a little more sudden, inexplicable alarm.
Abbaoww Useless Box - The Leave Me Alone Machine
Behold the only product on this entire site that is honest about what it is. Flip the switch, and a small mechanical finger emerges from inside the wooden box for the sole purpose of flipping the switch back off. That's it. That's the whole thing. It has one function, and that function is to undo the only other thing you can do to it. It will not fetch anything, illuminate anything, or improve your life in any measurable way. It exists purely so you can watch a tiny robot hand tell you 'no' over and over until you feel a strange, meditative calm about your own uselessness by comparison. Runs on batteries you'll buy specifically for this. Somehow still more emotionally available than most people.
Munnygrubbers Dumpster Fire Zen Garden
Finally, a meditation practice that matches your actual inner state. This 7"x7" desktop zen garden swaps the usual peaceful raked sand and smooth stones for a miniature garbage fire, complete with tiny flames and a raccoon presiding over the wreckage like he owns the place. Rake the sand into calming little swirls around the trash. Stare at it during your performance review. Achieve inner peace by fully accepting that everything is, in fact, on fire. Made in the USA, because even our despair is domestically sourced.
Joker Greeting USB Cat Meow Prank
A USB stick whose sole purpose in life is to make everyone around you slowly question their sanity. Plug it into any powered port, hide it well, and within a few minutes it starts meowing from absolutely nowhere. Set it to meow every 5 minutes for full office-wide breakdown, or every 60 minutes if you enjoy a slower, more artisanal form of psychological torment. There is no cat. There will never be a cat. Just a tiny plastic liar in the wall socket, watching your coworkers crawl under desks looking for it.
YADILLO Giant USB Enter Key Pillow
A comically oversized plush 'Enter' key that plugs into your computer via USB and, when punched with the force of a man who just got cc'd on a reply-all, actually registers as an Enter keystroke. Marketed as a stress-relief tool for the overworked office drone; functionally a foam pillow shaped like a keyboard button that you will nap on face-down at 2pm. Works on Windows and Mac. Does not work on your actual problems.
Nailed It Nifty Note Pad
Hammer-shaped sticky notes for people who want their to-do list to also threaten violence.
Joywhiz Cricket Noise Maker Prank with Remote Control
Some gag gifts deliver one joke and then sit in a drawer. This one is a subscription. Hide this thumb-sized noise box anywhere in your victim's home, car, or cubicle, then trigger a chirping cricket, a shrill beep, or a distressed scream from up to 30 feet away via remote control — on your schedule, not theirs. There is no pattern to learn, no way to find it by sound alone, and no off switch they know about. Marriages have survived worse. Barely. Give it to someone you love, in the way that also low-key means you want them to lose their mind for a week.
Plant Life Support IV Bag Waterer
A miniature hospital IV bag that drips tap water into your houseplant instead of saline, because someone decided your ficus needed to look like it's in critical condition. Hang it, fill it, open the drip valve, and walk away for up to a week feeling like a very committed plant nurse. The unforgivable part: it actually keeps the plant alive, so you don't even get to return it out of spite.
World's Smallest Violin Keychain (Plays Sad Music)
Someone in your life will not stop complaining, and words alone can no longer convey the depth of your indifference. Enter the World's Smallest Violin Keychain: a genuine miniature violin, small enough to vanish inside a clenched fist, that plays a tinny, mournful little dirge at the press of a button so you never again have to fake sympathy out loud. Clip it to a lanyard, a backpack, or the desk of a coworker who just told you about their commute again. It does not tune. It does not improve with practice. It exists solely to musically confirm that nobody cares, which, as gifts go, is oddly the most honest one on this entire site.
Pissed Potato Stress Ball - Emotional Support Hater Tater
Meet the only emotional support animal that resents you for existing. This squishy foam spud has been sculpted into a permanent scowl, presumably because it knows what happens to potatoes at dinnertime and has made peace with taking it out on you first. Squeeze it when your coworker microwaves fish, when your inbox hits triple digits, or when you simply need a root vegetable to judge you silently from a desk drawer. It offers zero productive advice, no actual therapy, and roughly 4.5 inches of pure tater rage. Deploy responsibly at the next team meeting.
Realistic Mosquito Stamp Prank
A self-inking rubber stamp whose sole purpose in life is to convince someone they just got bitten and smacked a mosquito on their own arm. There is no second function. It does not organize your desk, water your plants, or justify its existence in any other way — it exists purely so you can slap a fake dead bug onto a coworker's forearm and watch them recoil. Comes with both 'live' and 'freshly squashed' mosquito imprints, for the full range of bug-related betrayal. A gift for the kind of person who thinks 'gotcha' is a personality trait.
Take a Number!: A Tiny Ticket Dispenser
Finally, the bureaucratic thrill of a DMV waiting room, now available at your own desk. This RP Minis kit includes a genuine miniature deli-style ticket dispenser, a roll of numbered paper tickets, and a tiny illustrated manual on proper 'queue etiquette' — so you can formally make your spouse, roommate, or coworker take a number before they're allowed to interrupt you. It resolves zero real conflicts and introduces an entirely new one: a procedural one. Petty? Yes. Deeply, satisfyingly petty? Also yes.
How to Run Secret Santa (Without a Spreadsheet Meltdown)
- 1
Set the rules
Pick a price limit ($10–$20 is the office standard), a gift-swap date, and one rule above all others: nothing you'd have to explain to HR.
- 2
Draw names
Old-school: names in a hat, and anyone who draws themselves redraws. Remote team: use a free online name-drawing tool so nobody has to mail a hat.
- 3
Shop (badly)
Find out one thing about your person — their desk, their coffee order, their eternal suffering in meetings — and pick a gift that makes fun of it. Gently.
- 4
Reveal (or don't)
Some offices do a big reveal, some keep it secret forever. If your gift was a screaming desk button, we recommend the second option.
Further Reading
Secret Santa Gifts for Coworkers: FAQ
What's a good Secret Santa gift for a coworker you don't know?
Something funny, small and universally desk-friendly: a stress ball, a harmless prank, or a desk toy that does something pointless. Gag gifts work well because nobody expects you to know their taste — they just need to laugh when they open it.
How much should you spend on Secret Santa at work?
Most offices set a limit between $10 and $25. Everything on this page is $30 or less, and our budget pages break picks down by $10, $15, $20 and $30 limits so you can stay inside whatever your office picked.
Are these gifts office-appropriate?
Yes — this page only shows gifts tagged for desks, offices and coworkers, and filters out anything with potty humor or innuendo. They're silly, not scandalous. You know your office best, though: if Brenda from accounting doesn't do pranks, get her the potato.
What's the difference between Secret Santa and white elephant?
In Secret Santa you're assigned one specific person and buy a gift just for them. In a white elephant exchange, everyone's gift goes into a pile and people take turns opening or stealing. Secret Santa rewards gifts that suit the person; white elephant rewards gifts that cause chaos.
When should I order a Secret Santa gift?
Office exchanges often happen in mid-December, before people leave for the holidays, so aim to order by early December. Most of our picks ship from Amazon, but delivery times depend on the retailer and where you live.
Prices were accurate when we last checked and may change on the retailer's site.