All Crappy Gifts
Browse our complete collection of hilariously terrible gifts. From useless gadgets to weird pet accessories - we've got it all!
Giant Googly Eyes - Set of 2, 7" Diameter
Turn any object into a nervous wreck. No practical use whatsoever, which is exactly the point.
Pug Tongue Tape Measure
Measure your life's mistakes in pug-tongue-lengths. Surprisingly functional, deeply unsettling.
Pirate Corkscrew
A tiny pirate whose only purpose in life is opening your wine. Arr, the existential dread.
Bubble Gum Magnets (4-Pack)
Fake gum that sticks to your fridge instead of your shoe. A downgrade in every measurable way.
Cat Butt Fridge Magnets
Immortalize your cat's least dignified angle in magnet form. They will never forgive you.
La Croix Squeaky Plush Dog Toy
Sparkling water, now with 100% more squeak and 0% flavor, which honestly tracks.
Mini Inflatable Tube Guy
The wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man, now small enough to flail directly at your face.
Screaming Goat Novelty Toy
Press the button, hear a goat question its life choices. Somehow this became a whole genre of gift.
Emergency Underpants
For when things go catastrophically, unexpectedly wrong. Comes in its own tiny emergency tin.
Nailed It Nifty Note Pad
Hammer-shaped sticky notes for people who want their to-do list to also threaten violence.
BS Button
A big red button whose sole function is calling bulls**t on whoever's talking. Career-limiting in most offices.
Inflatable Boyfriend Pillow Arm
A single disembodied arm pillow for cuddling alone, together. Deeply, wonderfully sad.
Willy Warmer Novelty Knit
Because somewhere out there, someone's most sensitive area was cold and nobody asked why this was the solution.
Horse Head Squirrel Feeder
Feed your local squirrels via a tiny horse head mounted to a post. No one has ever asked 'why' loud enough.
Atomic Nose Hair Trimmer
An alarmingly named device for a deeply unglamorous chore. At least it sounds powerful.
Banana-Scented Lip Balm
Smells like banana, tastes like regret, works fine as lip balm honestly.
Mayonnaise Hair Mask (Novelty Beauty Gag)
A hair treatment styled to look exactly like a jar of mayo. Your roommate's fridge raid will never be the same.
Pizza Slice Night Light
A single glowing slice of pizza to watch over you at 3am. The only slice you won't regret in the morning.
Giant Fist Koozie
Keep your drink cold while your hand looks like it could settle an argument. Priorities.
Golden Toilet Mug
Drink your morning coffee out of a tiny golden toilet. A statement piece for a very specific kind of person.
Super Jumbo Playing Cards
Playing cards the size of a placemat, for the visually confident poker player. Shuffling requires a permit.
Token Test Gift - DELETE ME
Temporary entry to verify scoped API token write permissions. Safe to delete.
Token Test Gift 4 - DELETE ME (category relation retest)
Temporary entry to verify category relation format after permission update. Safe to delete.