ALL CRAPPY GIFTS

CASOFU Burrito Tortilla Throw Blanket (71-Inch)

Somewhere along the line, humanity decided the pinnacle of comfort was looking like a 71-inch flour tortilla that gained sentience and self-esteem. This double-sided flannel disc lets you swaddle yourself into a convincing facsimile of a burrito, at which point your dog will attempt to eat you and your partner will question several life choices. It is, infuriatingly, also warm, soft, and genuinely cozy — a novelty gift that accidentally works, which is the worst kind. Machine washable, for when the illusion needs refreshing.