ALL CRAPPY GIFTS

Big Mouth Billy Bass Motion-Activated Singing Sensation Fish

A dead plastic fish, mounted on a plaque, that comes alive the second you walk past it — flapping its tail and belting out 'I Will Survive' and 'Don't Worry Be Happy' whether you asked it to or not. Motion-activated, meaning it will absolutely go off at 2 a.m. when the cat walks by. Also works as a manual button-press for when you specifically want to relive 1999 on command. Mountable on a wall or propped on a shelf via the built-in easel, so you can display your regret prominently. Runs on four C batteries or an AC adapter, because a singing fish deserves options. Decades-old novelty, still somehow in production, still somehow selling. A timeless monument to the fact that someone, somewhere, thought a talking fish belonged in your living room — and they were right.