6 Toilet-Themed Gifts That Prove Nothing Is Sacred
There is a version of you that looks at a toilet and thinks "that's a place where unfortunate things happen and I'd like to never think about it again." And then there's the version of you who looks at a toilet and thinks "content opportunity." This list is for that second person — and for the lucky friend who's about to unwrap something that was, at some point, shaped like a bowl of regret.
We pulled together six real, purchasable, bathroom-adjacent gifts that have no business existing and every business being given as presents. None of them will improve anyone's life. All of them will absolutely be remembered.
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Golden Toilet Mug — A ceramic mug shaped exactly like a toilet, finished in a gaudy faux-gold glaze, because regular mugs don't remind you of a commode every time you sip your coffee. It is, somehow, dishwasher safe. Civilization marches on.
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IllumiBowl Toilet Night Light — As seen on Shark Tank, which is the show's way of saying "yes, we know, we greenlit it anyway." It clips to the bowl and bathes your 3 a.m. bathroom trip in a color-changing glow, turning the single least romantic room in the house into a budget nightclub.
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Potty Fisher Toilet Fishing Game — Clips onto the actual toilet tank and lets you cast a tiny magnetic rod for tiny plastic fish while you're, let's say, otherwise occupied. It is a carnival game you can only play sitting down, in a place carnivals are not allowed.
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FunWares Porta Potty Shot Glasses — Two miniature plastic porta-potties, now serving as drinkware. Perfect for a bachelorette party, a dive bar birthday, or anyone who wants to start a toast with "this is the nicest thing I've ever said while holding a tiny outhouse."
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Original Poop Knife — A genuinely functional kitchen knife shaped like a smiling, steaming pile of poop, ready to cut your dinner into slices that will haunt the dinner party. It cuts steak fine. It will never, ever be normal.
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Emoji Poop Mini Waffle Maker — Presses out small, golden-brown waffles in the unmistakable swirl-and-eyes silhouette of the poop emoji. Breakfast has never been more popular on a group chat and less popular at the actual breakfast table.
What connects all six is the same bit: take something totally mundane — a mug, a nightlight, a fishing rod, a shot glass, a knife, a waffle — and bolt a toilet joke onto it until it becomes a personality trait. None of these gifts will make anyone's life better. All of them will make someone's group chat better, which, if we're being honest with ourselves, matters more.
Give one at a white elephant party and watch grown adults fight over a mug shaped like a toilet. Give one to a coworker and watch HR quietly update a policy. Either way, you win.
Featured in this post
Golden Toilet Mug
Drink your morning coffee out of a tiny golden toilet. A statement piece for a very specific kind of person.
IllumiBowl Toilet Night Light (As Seen on Shark Tank)
Your toilet bowl has never had this much personality. The IllumiBowl clips onto the rim and uses a motion sensor plus a light-detector to flood the bowl with color the instant you shuffle in at 3 a.m. — because apparently flipping a light switch was too much to ask of humanity. Pick one of 9 colors or let it cycle through all of them, turning every midnight bathroom trip into a tiny, unsolicited rave for an audience of one. Marketed as a potty-training aid and a fall-prevention device, which is a very dignified way of saying "nightlight for your toilet." As seen on Shark Tank, because somewhere a shark looked at a glowing toilet bowl and saw a business.
Potty Fisher Toilet Fishing Game
Sitting on the toilet is nothing but wasted fishing time, and the Potty Fisher finally fixes that. Clip the tiny tank to the bowl, drop in four plastic fish that are contractually forbidden from ever biting, cast with the included mini rod, and hang the 'Do Not Disturb' sign so nobody interrupts your indoor angling session. No bait, no skill, no actual fish — just you, the bowl, and the quiet dignity of pretending this is a sport.
FunWares Porta Potty Shot Glasses (Set of 2)
Two miniature portable toilets, scaled down from the construction site to the coffee table, each one a fully functional 2oz shot glass. There is no plumbing, no blue chemical sloshing inside, and critically no smell — just a tiny plastic outhouse you drink out of, repeatedly, on purpose. Perfect for the bachelor party guest of honor, the retiring plumber, or anyone whose personality can be summed up as 'laughs at bathroom stuff, unapologetically.' Durable enough to survive a night of questionable decisions, though the manufacturer recommends hand-washing, because apparently porta-potties are delicate.
Original Poop Knife - Bathroom Humor Gag Gift
Finally, a tool purpose-built for a job nobody asked you to do. The Original Poop Knife is a sturdy, silicone-coated blade engineered to 'assist' with oversized bathroom deposits — because somebody looked at a butter knife and thought, 'this, but worse, and dishwasher safe.' It comes in its own gift-ready case, which somehow makes it more unsettling, not less. Deploy it at a white elephant exchange, slip it into someone's stocking, or leave it on a houseguest's bathroom counter and never, ever bring it up again.
Emoji Poop Mini Waffle Maker
Officially licensed by Emoji, because somewhere a brand manager signed a contract to put their name on this. This 4-inch electric iron turns ordinary batter into a perfectly smiling, steaming pile of waffle, non-stick plates included so the horror releases cleanly every time. Works with any standard waffle or pancake mix, which means there is no ingredient list that can save you from what you are about to serve at brunch. Comes with a recipe booklet nobody asked for and a breakfast table nobody will forget. A whimsical novelty for kids, a minor act of psychological warfare for adults.
Shopping on a Budget?
Everything featured above fits in the white elephant gifts under $20 aisle. Or pick your own spending limit: