ALL CRAPPY GIFTS
Browse our complete collection of hilariously terrible gifts. From useless gadgets to weird pet accessories — we've got it all!
Nostalgia Retro Pop-Up Hot Dog & Bun Toaster
Because the stove, the grill, the microwave, and your own two hands were apparently too versatile for the job of heating a hot dog. This single-purpose countertop appliance does exactly one thing: it toasts two hot dogs and two buns simultaneously, in a shiny retro-red shell designed to look like it survived a 1962 diner so you can pretend this was a design choice and not a bun-adjacent impulse buy. Comes with mini tongs, because touching your own hot dogs with your own fingers is apparently a bridge too far. Technically also works on chicken, turkey, veggie links, and brats, if you'd like to expand the scope of your regret. Reviewers report a satisfying grilled 'bark' on the dogs and a less satisfying tendency for the buns to blacken at the edges, which feels thematically appropriate for a gadget whose entire reason for being is cooking a food that's already pre-cooked.
Big Mouth Billy Bass Motion-Activated Singing Sensation Fish
A dead plastic fish, mounted on a plaque, that comes alive the second you walk past it — flapping its tail and belting out 'I Will Survive' and 'Don't Worry Be Happy' whether you asked it to or not. Motion-activated, meaning it will absolutely go off at 2 a.m. when the cat walks by. Also works as a manual button-press for when you specifically want to relive 1999 on command. Mountable on a wall or propped on a shelf via the built-in easel, so you can display your regret prominently. Runs on four C batteries or an AC adapter, because a singing fish deserves options. Decades-old novelty, still somehow in production, still somehow selling. A timeless monument to the fact that someone, somewhere, thought a talking fish belonged in your living room — and they were right.