ALL CRAPPY GIFTS
Browse our complete collection of hilariously terrible gifts. From useless gadgets to weird pet accessories — we've got it all!
Genuine Fred BIG BLUE Whale Strainer
A 13.5-inch plastic blue whale you lower, mouth-first, into a pot of boiling pasta water, then hoist back out dripping like you just landed Moby Dick with your bare hands. The pitch is that this spares you the trauma of pouring pasta through a colander. The reality is you now own a novelty cetacean that lives in a cupboard 361 days a year and demands two hands, forearm strength, and a high pain tolerance for scalding steam every time you want spaghetti. It is, genuinely, a worse way to drain pasta than the method it replaces — just with way more personality. Dishwasher safe, for the day you quietly go back to using a regular strainer.
OTOTO Crabby Clip-On Pasta Strainer
A bright red silicone crab clamps its pincers onto the rim of your pot and holds a stainless steel mesh strainer over the water, because a normal colander in the sink was apparently too dignified a way to drain spaghetti. Crabby also flips over into a spoon rest, so this crustacean now has two jobs in your kitchen and you have zero remaining excuses for why there's a decorative sea creature living on your stove. It works. That's the most disappointing part.